I must say, I don't know why the work is going so slowly right now. Everyone is going slowly except for a few exception companionships. We were talking last night (the three of us) about how the whole Czech Republic is just spread too thin and I'm sure that it's the same for the rest of Europe. There just aren't enough missionaries here. We came to the conclusion that we need about twenty more missionaries and then we'd start be able to do some of the things that just aren't possible right now, but perhaps the Lord requires that we tough it out for the moment and then we will be blessed.
I don't know what it is, but recently I've been thinking a lot about how long I've already been out on the mission and thinking that I should know how to do mission work well enough that I can at least keep an area going but that doesn't seem to be the case - by the way, I've been on my mission for 10 months now - 8 in country. I know this that because Czechs ask all the time how long we've been here because we speak Czech so well; they love it.
The thing is, we speak to lots of people, I understand people, we have really good conversations and I bring the gospel into it in such a way that people are comfortable talking about it, but nobody is sticking! I think that this entire transfer has been a lot of trying to get anyone to stick. Luckily, a lady that we found at the beginning of the transfer and met with once is meeting with us again tonight. She's really cool. Her name is Jarmila and she was, literally, a thirty second contact because she was going somewhere, but she gave us her number and set up a time and place for us to meet without us asking for it. Then at the lesson she said, "Okay, what did you want to talk about?" She also brought her daughter. That was way cool. Why can't more of that happen? However, we've only met with her once because her work has her traveling a lot and she's been out of town for vacation for about a month and a half. That kind of thing I think I can wait out because there's some glimmer of potential, but when you look at the weeks and weeks of work without seeing any rewards or fruits, then it gets long and hard.
I'm sorry that I'm complaining. We just had a zone conference this last Friday and President Irwin shared with us the scripture in Alma where Alma the Younger was walking away from Ammonihah, discouraged because it seemed like no one had listened to him and no one wanted to accept the message of God, but then he was stopped by an angel. The angel told him that he was blessed and that he had much reason to rejoice. President added that Alma probably thought to himself, "What reason have I to rejoice?" and then he was told that he had MUCH reason to rejoice because he had been faithful in keeping the commandments.
Perhaps I'm not humble or patient enough. Or possibly it could be that I'm not hopeful enough to know that God will pull through in the end if I endure well now. We watched the Joseph Smith movie (the one they use in the visitor centers) with Libor yesterday. (By the way he's doing great - he's started blessing the sacrament and he passes every now and then. He's also awaiting very eagerly for the day that he can receive the Melchizedek Priesthood.) The part where Joseph was in prison and he says, "Oh God, where art thou?" pulled my heart strings really hard, but when the reply came, it came with more force than I think I've ever heard it. "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high;" (D&C 121)
I can easily say this is by far the hardest thing I've done in my life, but I have felt the love of God so much more. I know that He helps me, but He still wants me to work to the fullest of my capacities. It's very much like the first vision. When Joseph was seized by Satan in the grove, Heavenly Father did not free him until he had endured the adversary as long as he could. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. It's the same in spiritual means - if we receive great light or tribulation, then we can expect to receive equal trial or blessings.
I love you all so very much and I feel sometimes that I'm not doing the best I can out here and that I'm letting you all down. I can say that my spirits are getting down but I know that some awesome things are going to happen this next week and things are going to start heading up hill. Elder Pearson's area (Olomouc North) hit zero investigators this past week as their baptismal date and only investigator surprised us and said that he's moving to Ostrava. We have missionaries there and he will continue to work and progress in the gospel, but it was a bit depressing to hear that he'd be leaving. As for our area, we at least have lots of contacts with good potential, but we need to get them moving. I worry for Elder Page and how this is going to affect the beginning of his mission experience: to see so little success and to think that we're going to be able to work miracles here. I know that he will be fine and will become an amazing missionary, but I'm feeling that I'm failing as a missionary and trainer, for his sake.
I would really appreciate it if you could all put in a prayer for me and this city - even for the entire country. The work is moving very slowly here and there are many missionaries that are getting discouraged.
Dad asked if I'm going to be moved this next transfer, and the answer is that I probably will not. The reason is that when President Irwin came in, the brethren told the new mission presidents that they're going to revamp a few things, one of them being that they want to try keeping missionaries in the same area as long as possible so that they have the greatest possible impact, so President said that it will not be completely impossible for a missionary to stay in the same area for three or even four transfers. This also means that we may not change companions every transfer, so I may also follow-up train Elder Page. How's that for strange? However, there will have to be some changes because of the missionaries going home and new missionaries coming in. Also, I heard a rumor that they're going to open up another area in Ostrava and it's well needed. So some lucky fellow is going to be blinded in there.
I'm feeling sufficiently weak now, so I think that the Lord will be able to sculpt me now. I'm ready for the pain but I'm also willing because I know that I will come out better than when I came in. If I've learned one hard thing here on the mission, it's to not see our hardships as something to complain about but as something to love because we know that by those means, the Lord changes us into the greater and more prepared beings that we need to be so that we can return to be in His presence one day.
I love you all so much,
Starší Monk