Dear Family,
Well, it's finally here. Well, as close to "it" as you'll hear from me. I'm going to be leaving for the Czech Republic this coming Monday! It's so crazy! My dad sent me a Dear Elder yesterday making assumptions that I'm very excited to be leaving, but also kind of dreading getting there because I won't know how to say anything. That is true. Both statements are true. The longer that I stay here, the more bored I get because it seems that I'm just studying the same things over and over and it's just a constant stream of busy work: memorize vocabulary and mark scriptures. It's not bad, in fact I like it alot, but I'd much rather be doing something else; perhaps, what missionaries do! Another thing I'd like to point out that's happened to me - I can't sit still and not do something. It drives me nuts. Of course I still zone out every now and then, but just sitting, consciously not doing anything... I get antsy. That's a good thing, but it's a good and bad thing from the Lord.
Anyway, I'd like to just share a few thoughts that I've had from being here at the MTC. My dad said to me one time, "Just because you're going on a mission doesn't mean you'll be a different person." Dad, I'd like to tell you that you're wrong. I have been changed in Christ, and I can feel it. Before coming on the mission, you and mother would talk about me not having enough ambition to do things but I've found out that the reason for being so was because I didn't define a clear-cut purpose that I really wanted to work toward. Christ truly does change people. He has changed me, and I know that He will change the people of the Czech Republic that will listen to His words. Jesus Christ is constant in our lives and because of that, none of us will ever have to be alone. Cast your burdens upon Him and He will help you change. That is the purpose; the reason we are on Earth. We are here to prepare to meet God. Part of that preparation is becoming clean through Christ. We, as imperfect as we are, can always become clean because of the infinite atonement that Christ performed on our behalf. There is no trouble, pain or sin that is too great for the power of the atonement to overcome. I know it. It has worked in my life and it is too strong to deny. I implore every one of you who feels the burden of despair, either from stress, sin or just from every day wear and tear to cast your burdens upon Christ. He has already paid the price and He wants us to take advantage of His sacrifice. If we did not, it would be as a prideful child turning from the help of his Older Brother who has already experienced it and wants to help each of us become perfect, even as our Father.
My testimony has grown far more than I could have ever believed; however, I know that I am still among the weakest of God's children. God truly does call us in our weaknesses to help us become strong. God, as our all-knowing Father, knows the exact things that will profit us the most. Many times they are the things that we do not want because we know that they are hard. I want to tell you that these things that come upon us are for our own good. God knows that if we endure them well we will be strengthened by them and will have taken the next difficult step on the way to Eternal Life.
One such difficult step for me was realizing that once I had this purpose that I was so set on fulfilling, I would become very narrow minded. I wouldn't be understanding to my companions sometimes. Many times, I would have to take a step back and tell myself that these little things that I was getting upset about weren't so bad. One time, we were supposed to have interviews on Sunday morning right at seven o'clock. So I was very intent on being on time to that. It turned out that we were four minutes late and I knew we'd be late because we left the residence hall at seven. This ticked me off because I wouldn't achieve my goal that I had made. But then I took a step back and thought, "Is four minutes really that big of a deal?" Turns out that nothing was lost because of those four minutes, but I also did learn that we need to try to do our best. As long as we do that, the power of the atonement will cover the rest of our sins and shortcomings because our pefect Redeemer knows each of our abilities and knows how far we can go, and that is all that He will ask of us. Jesus Christ knows that I have my weaknesses and He also knows my strenghts. I love the atonement because through it, Jesus Christ knows me perfectly, and thus, He is the perfect Judge.
I'm not sure what else to say at this point. I am very thankful for all of you who are supporting me on my mission because I know that the Lord, Jesus Christ, blesses the lives of individuals through the actions of others. I know that Christ is acting through you to bless my life. I don't know if I'd have the strength to go from day to day without the constant love and encouraging words that you send me.
The other day, I had a very random and strange thought pop into my head. It was about the number of people that I'd baptize on my mission. I got a very distinct and clear number and frankly, it scared me. So that night I prayed to know if this number was correct and the answer scared me even more. I know now that I'm going to have to work very, very hard on my mission to accomplish this goal that the Lord has set for me.
I love you all very much and know that we will all be blessed through our Lord, Jesus Christ,
Starsi Monk